I don't apologize for wanting to be a wife & not just a girlfriend. If I continue to have a "girlfriend" mindset, I will not grow. I'll be stuck doing what I'm doing & I don't apologize for wanting to move forward. A girlfriend should be a potential wife as a boyfriend should be a potential husband. Relationships are investments, not hobbies. I date with purpose. I'm a goal setter & a go-getter. I won't lower my standards & I won't settle. I want a man that thanks God he gets to have me for the rest of my life. To have & to hold. To be real & ordained through God. "Understand me. I'm not like an ordinary world. I have my madness. I live in another dimension & I don't have time for things that have no soul."
I can't believe I didn't update anything in 2014. It was a really hard fucking year. Definitely grew spiritually and got drug through it. I also lost my sweet baby boy Lil Bear on 11-17-14......I miss him all the damn time. It is valentines day and I just needed to write in here. Things are looking up ! More on this later but basically God is GREAT. Sold 2 cars to one family today and I had first started working them in April of 2013. Thanks lord for always looking out for me and blessing me. Especially with Casey. He had made my last 3 Valentines amazing. I'm so brain dead from work right now, gotta hop in the shower and shave for him while they go get the BBQ. ^.^ ahhh! My life has changed so much !!!
Going to help Kimi move out of the sticks tomorrow. That lying cheating asshole Jason.
Anyways- more on what's been going on later ! <3
Wed, Apr. 10th, 2013, 08:55 am
So yesterday was my off day since they changed the schedule. My tarot cards told me I need to keep giving $ away to keep it flowing in my life. Since I've been helping mom, I decided I would help her a little more- in the beauty department. Her hair had gotten long and scruffy & her grays were showing. Also had nose hairs coming out and get eyebrows were a mess. :/ I kinda miss when she used to pamper herself but I know things are different so I took it upon myself to help get her back lookin and feeling good. First we went and got our eyebrows done at p&r- gossiped with the Asian ladies about Hailey being in jail. All her drug problems & "illegal use of credit card". Also ran into her drug dealer as we were leaving. Ugh small ass Pensacola but I guess we were just meant to see her since the nail lady had just warned us about her. After that we went and got some hair dye and got her hair cut. She got it really short like she did when I was in 5th grade. Kind of pixie cut, but more on top. I also got her some deodorant, these cute necklaces and earrings to go with her new look & even let her go into Richey's and get a bottle of bourbon before we headed back to the house. Even dyed her eyebrows, and plucked her damn nose hairs. Haha, I love my mom- and I never want to live on earth without her. Recently, ever since all this shit happened I see how fragile she is. She's gotten stronger but she's not the same as when I was little. She was like a supermom. She still is, but in different ways. After she gets her $, I know she can take care of herself- get the eye surgery she needs, medicine, & just be taken care of and worry free. I hate she's stuck in that house with no cable or Internet. :( so as soon as I get koko fixed, I'll do that for her. She agreed to let Braveheart and Koko live with her, so there's another worry I don't have. She's really the best mom ever, and I hope I'm half as good as her if I ever have kids. Oops, got a customer . Maybe I can post more later
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
I'd like to tell you how my life dramatically changed about 6 months ago. As you know I've been taking care of my mom the past 2 years, paying bills, keeping up with the house and still trying to maintain my sanity after they took Jim and all my moms money away. It's been really rough and I don't know a lot of 23 year olds who can do or will do what I've done and I'm not bragging, just documenting.. but I am proud of how I've grown. So you know I used to scrape to get up the bill money. My unemployment was shit but I was so scared to get off it because even if I found a minimun wage job the $ I made wouldn't even pay the bills and it wasn't worth me losing the free time i had to scheme and make money. "hustle" as it was in the interview. I made money-but I didn't tell'em I flipped sacks, hustled friends, sold to randoms, and ripped the occasional creep off.. basically did what I needed to make money. Yeah I had garage sales and sold the cars that were takin up moms drive way and even sold my 99 mercury cougar coupe that I loved. all to pay the bills. I found homes for most of our dogs.. down to the last 7.. it sounds like a lot but it's def improved and that's all I'm saying. So around the beginning of July, after a year unemployment was finallrunniy ng out and I was getting desperate and finally took the first job I applied for- a hotel maid job at the Marriot. I figured could make the money I needed amd I was used to cleaning after moms business. BUT After day 2 I told the lady I didnt want to waste her time, told her I'd return the polyester gray scrubs that itched and made me sweat tomorrow. then I walked out. I would not be that woman. breaking my back to make paycheck. Something told me to leave, it wasn't like I was like hey fuck this. altho I was :) BUT when I got my ending paycheck it was $62.27 So God let me know I left at the right time. So, come July 15th 2012 I am still just trying to hustle and stay postitive and keep on pushing thru..so i was getting ready to apply for jobs so I was in a skirt and makeup and hair done up and went out to start my Explorer and it was dead. I must have left the lights on- the next best thing I could think to do was call Emily.. since she lived down the street I knew she'd come jump me off. When I got her on the phone it was weird.. she was whispering to me, telling me not to go anywhere that she wasnt supposed to be talking to me and that she's waiting on the money. ??? sounded like something out of a movie.. it was funny she told me not to go anywhere because my car was obviously dead.. So the way my life changed ..and this is how I tell my customers.. "have you ever watched Channel 3 News?.. have you seen the segment they do called 'Pay It Forward'? Bascically the reporter, Leena a tall mixed barbie looking woman goes out the crowded places and tries to find a stranger they can give $500 to help them pay it forward. The person can't live with them, or be related and they have to be in need. Surprisingly enough, they ran into Emily and The Broadwaters while they were out shopping at Target for Brysons first birthday party. in the parking lot and it was all caught on camera and they said my name. and almost a year before that God was working because I remembed sitting in milys parents house talking about how if they ever ran into that woman they would try to get me the $500. It was just crazy. to come out on my front porch after getting a knock and thinking it would be just Emily. to see a reporter in a bright orange dress with and camera and sound equipment in your face. And Miles Bentley was there. My mom says hes a very handsome older gentlemen. and everything about him was gentle from the way he shook my hand to the way he hugged me after the interview. I told them about momma being disabled and raising money for garage sales and bills and it must have touched Miles heart because after the interview Miles asked me what kind of job i was looking for. remember this whole thing was circled around me trying to find a job but having a dead battery. So I told him, mostly all I knew was customer service. awesome customerservice skills. and then retail and commission sales kinda from the mall. He told me to come up after the interview and apply at Hill Kelly Dodge. They're a sponsor of Channel 3 News, and of Pay It Forward. and somewhow the starts alligned and I got $500 and and whole new outlook on life. God showed me he had a plan for me. I got hired after my 3 interviews that day, and sold some glass cleaner to Tony the Creep (another day another story) to prove I could sell. I trained my ass off and soaked up anything anyone told me in that fist 4 weeks before I was on the floor. I studied at night, highlighted, took notes, did walk-a-rounds in my head, to myself and sometime to my mom. My first phone appoinment was with Reina Medina. and it was too easy.. like God wanted to show me that I could do it. She was a laydown and I got my first deal. not commission of course but I worked my way up to that. First month in the car business I sold 12. if only I'd had that commission, haha. but I've learned a lot, and God showed me where I was supposed to be. He put Emily and Miles and Hill Kelly in my life for a reason and he's been working all along. I'm kind of a natural, I have a lot to learn and already have some bad habits but I will make this a career and make the kind of money Ms. Ellen did. So i can take care of my mom and myself, and do what's right. And just when I thought life couldn't get any better.. I met Casey Chambers. one of the youngest salesmen at work. 20 years old with blond hair blue eyes and a cornbread fed broad shouldered body with a country way and a georgia accent. Slipped me his business card the first week I was there and we started smoking together. Had to show him how to roll a blunt, :) and I think I fell in love the first time I kissed him. he was letting me wear his Longhorns hoodie, and we were sitting on his couch. And I held off for a whopping 3 night before I let him get it. ^.^ I couldn't help it. but I'm so glad I did because He's everything I ever wanted and treats me like a princess. I call him sugar and he calls me angel. today we signed the lease on our new place and I am probably in heaven. I finally see some light at the end of this long dark tunnel, I have hopes and plans again. I get to start over fresh, and spread my wings! They've grown a lot and gotten a lot thicker.. I imagine a pheonix risen up from the ashes.. maybe with some arrows underneath like katniss. because I am a hunter and I will survive.
oh yeah I just got all nerdy, deal with it.
plus I like that quote about how if life is pulling you backwards like an arrow>>====> it just means you're about to blast>>===========> forward to meet your next target. And I sure do feel like I'm on target.
Tue, Dec. 18th, 2012, 10:33 am
Sat, Mar. 17th, 2012, 08:55 pm
I miscarried. Again.
I'm really scared and stressed from the threat of miscarriage. Yesterday I was cramping, and last night I started bleeding. I don't know what it means. Am I being punished ? What have I done ? Despite all these worries I've found how thankful I am for Edwin. He really is a kindred spirit.. He cares for me truly regardless of if we are going to have a baby or not. I txted him this morning, when Emily and Sam didn't answer my texts.. Ed txted me back within 2 minutes- and called before I could even text him back. I let him know what was up and he was very sympathetic..didn't cause me stress or seem to blame me- just said "well we will see mami." then proceeded to tell me about the waterfalls and 3 legged chiuauas in Puerto Rico that only eat meat. ^.^ He seems happy, even when talking about the mini earthquakes he's been experiencing. :) says he's the fattest person on the beach- mommas made him gain bout 20 pounds, lol. (oh and apparently everyone eats like this there but he says it all goes to the dudes muscles and girls tits and ass.--not fair) He says he's going to get in shape when he gets home and if all this doesn't work out then I will definitely be joining him. We talked for half an hour, and he made me feel better instantly. I laughed over his stories, and smiled picturing the scenery he was painting for me. So I'm very thankful God has put him in my life. On the other hand, I wish my mom would get off my back. Stressed enough as it is.
Thoughts on my mind be chokin me lately, I don't rap so you'll have to look past it but mainly these words are exploding so let me start praying
I pray for my homeboys constatly faded
Pray for my girls poppin out babies
On my knees for family fuck ups constantly jading
Livin' to die- that shits overrated
So we come from the 'Cola
Where revenge is the motive, ain't nobody sober, cuz we constantly blowin and our scars we be showin.
We stuck in the mud, call it PensaSTUCKola- slip up, it's game over-u kno this, they hungry
Where we came up from nothin all dreaming bout somethin. But this town holds u down. It's so fucking disgusting. Can't sleep so I'm cussing, ignoring the fussing, and fighting the thoughts that be crushing the light I've held onto-
For so long, you was blinded- so now let me remind u, the air in your lungs was a gift from above so wake up and climb out- get up and get out of that hole u have dug for yourself
There's no doubt you can make it, so go and embrace it- the struggles what made you- the bullshits what shaped you- so I'm praying for all u bc only you can save you.
So it's leap day- comes around every 4 years. It's also the day I lost my virginity on. But that was 2 leap years ago. Haha. Love it..
But seriously. It's 2012 and I'm getting old. But apparently better looking with age. I know I'll be a cougar in no time. Meow. I know im playful right now but really it's bc I have so much going on in my head. Ironic right? So journal . Weve been friends for quite awhile now. I think I'll start visiting u more often. You kno how life is.
Oh ps. Would you still be my friend if I was a porn star ? Serious question.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
I wonder what they'd do if they walked in and seen my dead ass hanging from the ceiling fan.
Tue, Sep. 13th, 2011, 08:32 pm
my fb status last year;
On This Day In 2010.
it feels so damn nice outside today. no wonder i didn't go to school.((hah hello highschool repeating itself)) im gonna try to reconnect with naure. like take a nap in the grass or something. just.so.sleepy"
haha, not much has changed. seriously thought about calling into work today; but i have 3 months of perfect attendence before i can do that again. so up and at'em for Ashley, woot!
bout to go eat a big ass bowl of ramen and hang with my fav juggalo Jonah.<3
thinking i should start on a 6 pack (abs wise) and maybe more cleaning and organizing my moms house. and doing something about all these 11 dogs that liver here. haha no lie.